Beautiful Angkor Wat

We did it all.

In the days we had in Cambodia- we really did do it all.

We saw the temples- at sun rise and we picnic’d in the beauty of it all.
We were blessed by a monk.
We had a 2 hours of massages 3 different times-for a total cost of 13.00

We drank on pub street

We visited the floating villages
We saw houses on stilts
We took a 4 hour ride a tuck tuck and an hour long boat ride that ran out of gas
We had a dance party on the Tonle Sap lake with a guy who didn’t speak one word of English but loved every beat we played
We ate sticky rice out of bamboo shoots cooked on the side of the road
We gave candy to local kids, we saw a monk orphanage and gave money to the local people forced to peeling fish in the blazing sun all day long

We drank on pub street

We ate fried rice and a cat (I’m pretty sure)
We got lost down a dirt road (and I stuck my credit cards and money down my bra)
We shopped in the market and all bought hippy pants
We tried to feed a starving dog

We drank on pub street

We took our shoes off everywhere, and put our sunscreen on
We met new Australian surf friends who gave us their address and invited us to come stay (we may just go)
We napped
We dipped
We listened to the most amazing live music
We got scammed by our favorite tuk tuk driver

We drank on pub street

And when the day came to leave, we felt like we did it all.

But instead of wanting move north to Thailand we wanted to head south further into Cambodia.

We had fallen in love.

Fishing village Tonle Sap lake

Cambodia was so shocking (I know I keep saying this but it was soooooo shocking) but at the same time- we all really really loved it.

It is weird because it is the most impoverished place I have ever been but I never once felt unsafe. People are so respectful of personal space, and grateful of what ever you can offer them.
There are so many people begging and you can’t possibly help everyone but when you decline they are never pushy or rude. As long as you acknowledge them they always wish you good luck and move on-(almost always)

Reminders of the war are everywhere and there are so many people without limbs. Some literally drag themselves along the dirt roads and concrete to get around. But even with such obvious reminders almost no one speaks of the war or the land mines that caused so much destruction to this country and the people.

They want to move on and they are doing the best they can to do so.

Under the surface you can see the dirty parts of what poverty brings. Not to generalize but there is an abundance of over privileged white men with multiple Cambodian girls on their arms. It kind of makes you feel a bit like puking in your mouth.

Despite so many turning a blind eye, you what is going on.

Traveling as a family were always re assured that the girls offering us a massage were never offering ‘boom boom, yum yum’ to us.
Even the words made me shutter. How do you fix this mess?
How could I be so ignorant? How can this really be happening?

Everything about this country seems hard to believe. There is really no tax system. There are banners strung above the streets telling people to say NO to corruption. You can sense a bit of an up rising from the people. They want change.

There is no enforced education system. If you are lucky enough to education it means your parents don’t need you to work.
The health care system is corrupt. When people make 2.50 USD a day and a visit to the government hospital charges 15.00USD a visit basically no one goes.

Most of our what we learned about this country came from the driver we hired to take us to the Cambodian border (WHAT A SHIT SHOW THAT WAS)

I could tell he was in pain as we drove. Finally he told me he couldn’t piss (his words)
I was confused “Is he really telling me he can’t urinate”
He continued to tell me again and again until finally I pointed to his package and he nodded.

“Yes so much pain” he said and then proceeded to tell me how he’d spend a week’s worth of money to go to the doctor and they told him there was nothing wrong. After we stopped for him to pee for the second time in an hour I knew he wasn’t lying.
He told me he hadn’t slept and he had to get up to pee more than 10 times the night before.

He didn’t ask for anything, no more money (our 2. 5 hour cab ride to the border was only 35 USD)
But he told me how he worried that about how he wasn’t able to drive as far as he should be able to and the three families who bought him this car would be in debt if he didn’t get better.

Lucky for him, he picked up the right crew.

We had a bag of medication.

Together we googled the medication I was about to give him (although he didn’t care) and I handed him a 10 day supply of macrobid. I too, am prone to bladder infections and I carry that shit with everywhere. At home a bottle of a 30 day supply is about 20 bucks. Here in Cambodia they can’t even get it and the pain Chai (our driver) complained of probably meant he had a kidney infection on top of his bladder infection so I hope the meds are strong enough to work.

It is these type of things, how the very basic needs of the people aren’t being met that really ‘got’ me.

Chai also owned a rice field. He told us that the cost of his home and one hectare of land was worth 5000 USD but his 1999 Toyota Camry was worth 15,000 USD(cars are very expensive over here) and even though we thought we were were getting a deal for 35.00 USD to the border it was an entire week’s worth of wages in the rice fields.

He felt bad but told us because of his piss problem he couldn’t drive us all the way to Koh Chang.

When I gave him the meds, he almost started to cry, and so did I. He looked at our bag of medication for Logan and he said
“Very lucky”
I explained that Logan had cancer, tumors in the brain and spine. It didn’t phase him. Everyone here had hardships here- we were still very lucky.

I asked Chai tea (as we called him) about the monks and I told him how meaningful my blessing at the temple had been. I told him in detail how the monk I met did a reading for me with cards on my head and how he told me that I didn’t need to worry or fear that I would always be successful. He nodded, but I knew what he was thinking no matter what the monk said, I had already made it.

We passed through small towns and he shared all he could. He told us about having babies in Cambodia, about how hard the work was, about what food they ate and a little bit about what it was like before they opened the borders up in 1998.

He also told us to prepare for the border. He said it was crazy, and “most dangerous last stop”

Two seconds before we arrived we saw a group of about 40 Cambodians dragging a dead body down the road towards the border. They were all screaming the same words over and over again, holding signs in the air. They were obviously outraged about something.

I looked at Chai in shock, he looked back with even more shock than I had.

“Is that person- dead?” I pointed to the poor person with their head covered being dragged along the pavement.
Chai didn’t know what to say-
“Please, I don’t know why they do this..no honor”
We had already seen two funeral processions since being in Cambodia and it was clear although life was hard, they honored the dead in a beautiful way. They carry the bodies through the street in a golden thrown, all the family and friends following and chanting as they walk their loved ones to their final resting place.

This was nothing like that. This poor dead man was being dragged by a small rope tied around his toes, through pot holes and with tug you could see the heaviness of his dead body flailing.

Chai slowed the car to read the signs and told us that he though it was a protest because the government let ‘big companies’ buy the rice fields for a cheap price and the poor people could no longer work and were dying of hunger.

None of us could believe what we had just seen and as we pulled up to the border we were all in a bit of a fog, each one of us repeating “That was a dead body?”

We were quickly shaken from the trauma when the car stopped.

I looked outside and almost shit my pants. We were completely swarmed.

Chai had called ahead to get us a chaperone to get us through the border and order our transport for us on the Thai side.
He told us it would be ‘more better’ to have a chaperone with the babies (2 out of 3 of our kids were 18) thankfully we accepted his offer.

The young buck toothed Cambodian man who got us through the border was our saving grace. For 5.00 USD He threw a tag around our necks and pushed people away from us- shouting the whole time.
He filled out our departure cards and reassured us every step of the way “quickly, quickly- you are fine”

The border at Poipet was the the only time I really felt the deep level of desperation in Cambodia. The buses of tourists had not arrived yet so we had the full attention of everyone who was panhandling or trying to make one last buck before the foreigners (as they call us) left.
It was clear, every single one of them wanted a piece of us.

Jared and the kids jumped out of the car and grabbed the bags quickly, but I hesitated. I had all the money in my pouch and didn’t want to pull out my wad of cash outside the car.
Thank god I waited, because as soon as I opened my door I had no time before people were grabbing me by the arm and pulling me in their direction.
Our buck toothed guide began fighting crowds and pushed us to the front of the line.

“Don’t stop- don’t look” he said. “Walk quickly”
We blazed through the Cambodian border checked out of the country, ran up the stairs to the Thai side got stamped in and and before we knew it were were at Dunkin’ doughnuts.

No shit.
Just like that a few steps, a whole lot of mayhem, and Thailand was like jumping into another planet, one with KFC, clean toilets and paved road ways.

I looked back and felt somewhat guilty for how easy my escape was and sad for the people I could still see just steps away desperate for the ability to escape as easily as I just did.

Jared put his arms around me and encouraged me shrug it off….”It’s OK Jen” He rubbed my shoulder it was time to move on and enjoy Thailand.

He was trying to to stoic but he too was shaken.

As I drove away (with my jelly filled donut in my over privileged hand) I wondered, If I will ever be able to go back to the ignorance I had before Cambodia? I really doubt it.

We were only in Cambodia for 5 days but we truly did do it all. We also seen it all and we left with a better understanding of how lucky we are, simply because of the country we were born in to.
We all agreed that we want to go back to as soon as possible and on our next visit do more to help and give back.
We have even contemplated canceling the fancy portion of our trip to the Westin Koh Samui to go back to Cambodia a week early. We’ll see. Somehow sipping 14 dollar cocktails at a 300 dollar a night resort doesn’t seem as luxurious and amazing as it did when I was sitting at my computer booking our trip from the comfort of my beautiful home.

Now it feels kind of dirty, unnecessary, and almost wrong.

But, that being said, I am on a quest to find balance in my life, both for me and my family.
I want to live a life with as much acceptance and compassion for myself as much as I have for others but the problem is that the pendulum swing of my emotions always get the best of me.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl
So, seeing the people in Cambodia makes me want to cancel the rest of my trip, spend the next few weeks working in a school in some rural town, sleeping on the floor donating all of my money, and eating dirt.

But that is not really the answer either. We are also here to enjoy our vacation, to escape our own hardships.

I know that, I just don’t know what is the answer is and I guess I will be forced to contemplate it over a few dozen Chang beers on a beautiful secluded island

(Side note- so far the wine here is brutal)

Koh Chang here we come!

Working so hard to prepare the fish to sell in the market

Logan with the local children. Where ever she goes, she always loves the children

Dance party on the boat on Tonle Sap lake. Living life in the front row