We will always miss you Spence.
May 21, 2008 9:26pm
May 20th
Cancer means some days are good, and some days are bad. Today was one of the worst days. Today we found out that we lost a dear friend.
Spencer Dolling was such an amazing and super cool kid.
Spencer was Logan’s first real ‘crush’
These two spent hours together in the clinic and on the ward at the hospital getting treatment together but that is not the reason they became friends. They connected simply because they just liked each other, well, and because they both were fiercely competitive skip-bo players.
Spence was strong and brave and all the things you say about a kid with cancer, but he was also just a fun normal boy. Everyone at the hospital loved him and his family. They had a contagious zest for life that so many admired. If you can imagine they made coming to the hospital to get chemotherapy fun.
Spence had neuroblastoma which is a terribly painful type of cancer but spencer never became his cancer. Instead he lived, though the pain, through the treatment, and in his own words “except for cancer, I have a pretty great life”
He is the one who inspired Logan to be strong, and live to be more than her cancer. So many times when Logan would see Spenc she would comment on how he had been doing treatment for 6 years and how she’d only been doing it for 3 years so she shouldn’t complain because Spencer didn’t.
A few weeks ago when he was admitted and we weren’t we went to see him. Radiation has meant that we haven’t had our regular visits with the Dolling’s and I could tell Logan was missing Spencer.
When we got to the room I noticed that Logan wasn’t talking much with Spencer and Spenc was feeling pretty darn glum. So when we left the room I asked Logan if she was nervous because Spencer was so sick now.
She casually nodded in a knowing way “he didn’t need me to talk mom, he just needed to know I was there”
That is how they have always been with each other. Sometimes they’d spend the whole afternoon together and barely even speak except for a few snickers over SKIP-BO but not in an awkward pre teen way, more so in an ‘I’m here for you, you don’t have to be anything’ kind of way. True friendship
It was more than just a childhood crush, there was wisdom in the silence these two shared. They knew exactly how to accept their circumstances and be comfortable around each other.
One time when I was joking with Logan about marrying Spencer and having a crush on him, she laughed “well at least we have seen each other at our worst”
I laughed. GOOD POINT. You most definitely have, and still loved.
Spencer was a true reflection of his family, who I have to say are the most amazing people ever. I actually am a bit of a Dolling groupie to be honest. In fact, had I never me the Dolling’s I would have probably would have never began to blog, or stop feeling sorry for myself and our situation for that matter.
This is a family that stole every good moment they could. They made the very best of every day, no matter what they day brought them. They made Hawaiian drink on the ward on the first sunny day of year. Cooked pumpkin pies on Thanksgiving, sailed away into the sunset every chance they could and assured us that it was alright to take all of our holidays without ever feeling guilty.
Basically they showed us how to live and create happiness in a very difficult situation and for that I am forever grateful.
I think they have the proper life perspective nailed. I know that we are better people and a better family for knowing them and I am so proud that Logan and Spencer were friends.
Logan is heartbroken. Today has been hard on her. We had a lot of questions today. Not just from her but Brody too. God love him, he is learning hard lessons in life far too early and he doesn’t quite understand it all but Loggie summed up our sadness by asking “would you ever give up being sad about losing Spencer if it meant that you never got to know him or his family at all?”
Of course we all agreed not for one single second.
Sadness comes when you love someone. It is impossible not to feel heartbroken when you lose someone you care about and you know those who were closest to him are in pain. We love the Dolling’s, We are so inspired by them and we feel like they have almost become like our family over this last 3 years. Our hospital family.
As Logan has explained “they just need to know we are there”
My only hope today is that they do.
It has been a hard day. It is close to home, considering out last few visits to the hospital, but it has also been a wake up call.
Life is precious and whether you live to be 12 or you live to be 100 live is short. So I am going to make Shirley temples (ok let’s be honest they will be spiked) on sunny days and be more spontaneous. We will honor spence by living like the Dollings showed us, by having fun and never giving up.
So get ready for your first umbrella drink in honor of the Dolling’s at our BBQ.
Loggie decided today 2 things. First off she wants to put a picture of Spencer on our T-shirts for the childrun to honor him. We will run for you Spence!
Next off she wants to plant a tree that flowers in our front yard and get a plaque. It will be for both Spence and Makoda and every time it flowers it will remind us of them. She wants ladybug garden ornaments around it.
So that is what we will do.
It is with Love I send this to you tonight, Hold this family in your prayers and send love to Loggie tonight too as she struggles with her broken heart.
